Do you ever see other women kicking butt in business and life? Perhaps you read about them on Facebook. Their status updates drive you nuts. In your heart, you know that you should be kicking butt also. But you are not doing so. Oftentimes, you don't kick butt because you are afraid of rejection. You take rejection personally.
Sometimes rejection is real and humiliating and painful. But we cannot control. There will always be people who will hate on us. The bigger and bolder you live, the more likely it is to happen. We are all destined to be rock stars in our own unique way. To help you become more resilient around rejection, look at the following five reasons people reject us (there are a lot more than five):
1. People need to blame others. Brene' Brown says "We're so desperate to get out and stay out of shame that we're constantly serving up the people around us as more deserving prey." Face it–we all mess up. Sadly, some some people are unable to look at their own mistakes without feeling that they are fundamentally flawed. Feeling shame is painful so some people dodge it by finding other people (YOU) to blame first.
2. They feel poorly around you. It's not about you. Your being awesome, smart, accomplished, talented makes them think that there is something wrong with them. So keep right on shining. If it brings up other people's crap, it is because they are attached to some old paradigm.
3. They are unmotivated. In The Joy Diet Martha Beck said, "criticism is an alluring substitute for creation, because tearing things down, unlike building them up, really is as easy as falling off a stump. It's blissfully simple to strike a savvy, sophisticated pose by attacking someone else's creations, but the old adage is right: Any fool can burn down a barn. Building one is something else again." There you go.
4. They no longer feel you. I have a friend who I have know since college and we were very close up until recently. She suddenly stopped inviting me to outings. I was a bit hurt initially, but then I realized that I don't do a lot of those crazy things we once did together. It is okay for relationships to change.
5. It is a bad day for them. I recently had a day when everything went wrong on so many fronts that I eventually found myself thoroughly pissed off. I did not want to have anything to do with anyone for a good hour. Sometimes people need some space. It has nothing to do with you.
Of course, there are many reasons why people reject you. Put things into perspective and light a fire under yourself to be YOU uncensored.
How many of you remember Janis Joplin? Below you will find a link to snippet of the interview she gave regarding her thoughts on rejection. It was recorded four days before her untimely passing. I share this video because we often get so caught up in our "own minds, feelings, beliefs" that we fail to recognize that others struggle with the same issues that we do.
Not one of us is unique in our concerns around being rejected. The difference between those who succeed and those who do not is: To succeed we must be willing to take the risks and accept the failures as loving feedback, learning experiences or course corrections so that we can grow, achieve and THRIVE.
Key: Don’t get caught up in taking things personally and making it about YOU!
Take an inventory of how are you are preemptively rejecting yourself so that you can avoid being rejected? What specific things would you do in your business if you stopped avoiding rejection?